Lisa Tarling

WORK HISTORY

EDUCATION

ABOUT LISA TARLING

I am living in hell; under dictatorship feeling like any value or worth I once had as been sucked away. How do I find my way out of this hole I have fallen into? I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into the abyss sensing as if it is staring back at me, a deep dark cavern with no walls just emptiness. How do I fight this evil without becoming evil? There is a battle going on around me, inside me; leaving me with a feeling of inadequacy. It is time to fight the monster without mirroring his actions. I am better than that after all throwing dirt at dirt doesn’t make it any cleaner. Could this monster be reflecting his own emotions onto me, now that is an interesting theory, one that I keep exploring with little satisfaction. I have stepped inside myself shutting down, trying to preserve what little fight I have left to find my answers. Daily I hear how useless I am as a mother, friend, lover. It appears my decision-making process is faulty like my mother board as been tampered with and he believes he needs to repair it with his tools of control to try and suppress my nature, yet with each rebuild it infuriates him further. Could it be that he has the incorrect tools or is the manual at fault because it couldn’t be the way he perceives the world. He is perfection coming from the purest gene pool, the alpha of alphas. The biggest and strongest of the pack, his weapons of choice are words dressed up in the form of humour, only you have been hardwired without the ability to see the witticism. He takes aim and fires each word at me like the bullets from a gun, they pierce my confidence leaving deep wounds which don’t heal, which he gains strength from. Lowering my ego to increase his armour. My brain is a maze of tunnels each one leading in different directions, I am lost in the darkness trying to find some light amongst the depths of despair. I need to get to the cortex of my mind to discover the old me. The self who trusted that the decisions she made was in the best interest of the situation. I walk alone, along life’s path seeing the doors to my torture locked and bolted; knowing I have to find the strength and exuberance to step inside.